Unofficial FnF Christmas Primer: Man-guide 101

[kiyitec]

Don't forget these Christmas essentials and above all else don't let anyone forget the "True Reason for the Season"


1.  1 pair of dykes for the 50,000 wires or ties that hold A toy on every square inch of cardboard. (Thanks to fuzz624 for the idea back when we hijacked A new guy's thread right after last Christmas. It inspired me to write this guide.)   I will also be carrying A screwdriver with  50 different tips, as I am always the one nominated to put everything together.

2.  Practice your fake nap, it could come in handy for many situations.

3.  Most of you carry A pocket knife anyways, so I won't put that on the list. . . dang it, too late.

4.  Batteries- I know you guys will already have some on hand for the gifts you are giving(right?), but there may be others in need.   "You could save the day with A double A!" Instant hero-dad status !

5.  A please and thank you primer on the way to Grandma's house couldn't hurt. . . I know my wife sure does need A tune up.  The claws tend to come out this time of year.

6.  One bottle of BEAN-O -'nuf said.

7.  If you don't wait 'til the last minute to put together that --(insert toy name here)-- it won't be any fun.   3:00am Christmas morning is A perfectly acceptable time to assemble that tricycle.  This could also help explain lesson #1 (see above), or it could also diminish your beverage supply.  See lesson #8

8.  Flask of favorite liquid.  This could help you bypass lesson #1 and proceed directly to A peaceful nap.  After all, you will need some rest if you plan to make A couple of stands that evening.

9.  If lesson #5 is A success or isn't needed, practice some quick and snappy one liners, even with the young ones.  Here are some prime examples of what I have been working on so far & please remember they may not work in your circumstances:

     9a.  If my 4yo boy receives some sort of discipline from A certain mean uncle:   "how long do I have to stay in time out?"  (his answer)  "Well that beats the hell out of your 5 years probation!!"
      9b:  Defense from same uncle:  "Did Santa Claus bring you that ankle bracelet for Christmas?"

  If anyone could pull these off, it's Airic.  Very smart little rattle trap that doesn't forget anything!

     9c:  9yo girl outnumbered by mean older boy cousins:  one no bull$h!t kick to the sack to drop them down to eye level, followed by A swing for the fence left hook, then run to daddy who will promptly jump some major A$$.
     9d: The 2yo has been tough to work with.   She understands everything, and knows what everything is, but doesn't talk very much yet.  I can proudly say her first sentence was "Daddy shoot coyote bang bang!"  Anyways we have worked up to the defense of "You is poop!" while first pointing at them and then to her rear gear!

Anyways, it looks like I have all my bases covered here, so give it some thought and prepare your kids for the dangers they face when surrounded by unscrupulous family members.

  10.  Have A very merry Christmas!

                       ~Kiyitec

      Please feel free to add to the list, we could all learn A little something here.

[FinsnFur]

 :roflmao: Thats good stuff...reality