Thank you...

[Coulter]

Thank you!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.
 
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper
towel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has   
happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking their nose. (Although cell
phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how
many gallons of trans-fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that
needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and <SPAN class=EC_EC_EC
id=EC_EC_EC_EC_EC_EC_EC_lw_1205457296_0 style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(0,102,204) 1px
dashed" _EC_EC_EC_EC_yshortcuts>AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and
Uzbekistan ...

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and
the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy
hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the
mouse.

Don't bother taking your hand off now, it's too late

[FinsnFur]

Steve...you gotta get off that stuff.  :roflmao:

[HaMeR]

  They found a cure for prostate cancer so what's the problem Steve??   



:roflmao: :roflmao:

[Coulter]

You both had your hand on the mouse didn't you :roflmao:

Steve

[HaMeR]

YEP!! Just like you!!  :roflmao: :roflmao:

[NASA]

They found a cure for prostate cancer

I hadn't heard about that.  Radiation therapy is a treatment, but so far the only "cure" (I know of) is surgery.

[HaMeR]

NASA-- I was just playing on the humor & using this thread as my ammo. 

http://www.finsandfur.net/forums/index.php?topic=5525.0