Juan, Jose and the Feral Cat

[JohnP]

Since the wall on our southern border has been making headlines let's talk about Juan, Jose and the feral cat.

It started out as just another fine Arizona morning, that is until I walked out onto the patio for my morning coffee - that rancid morbid smell of cat urine.  Since we live at the end of dead end dirt road city people feel it appropriate to drop off their no longer wanted pets, the small dogs don't last long and end up feeding some coyote or lion.  The larger dogs we try to coax in and take them to the pound.  The cats for the most part just disappear, we see them one day and they are gone the next, coyote, bobcat, eagle, owl many predators to take care of them.  I was sure that the cat who left this rancid odor was a one time deal.  Threw the cushions  in the trash and washed down the patio.  No smell, good coffee.  Thought I and the wife would run into town and buy a couple of new cushions, damn they are pricey.  Got home had lunch and we went about our business.  Next morning went out to enjoy the sunrise and you guessed it!  Cushions smelled worse than yesterdays, cushions back in the trash, soap and hose patio once again.  Rummaged through the shed found three of my have a heart traps and four old leg hold traps.  Back into town for more cushions, this is getting into my beer money.  This cat will meet his maker tonight.  As night approached I baited all seven traps set two on the patio and spread out the rest out in the backyard and rock garden. Following morning up super early to see a trapped cat - yep you guessed it, no cat, leg hold traps sprung bait gone --- no damn cat.  This went on for a couple of days, I was desperate I sat out the next two nights flashlight and 10/22 still no cat.  We would bring the cushions and pillows in at night but still had to hose down the patio on a regular basis.  This was a battle I was losing and it really was pissing me off.  This battle went on for weeks, which turned into months.  During all this my wife reminded me that we have a group coming over for a BBQ next Saturday, forget the damn cat, clean the grill, buy propane, soft drinks, beer and some steaks, steaks the hell with steaks I'm buying burgers and hot dog.  Saturday came BBQ was fired up beer on ice, cooks designated and lies started to be told.  Everyone knew about my failure as a feral cat hunter and I was the object or many barbs.  The conversation then turned to illegals as it does at most get together.  Someone suggest {not I} that as they come across maybe they all should be shot, all that is except one.  That one could then return and tell others the consequences of illegal crossing.  About that time someone said "Hey there are two illegals up on the side of the mountain".  As we watched them the wife said she was going in the house to call the border patrol.  A few seconds later lol and behold we spotted THE CAT.  As I always have my binoculars, camera and rifle on the patio I quickly picked up the rifle and fired, one shot, one dead cat.  Wife as she didn't see the cat yelled out from the house "What did you do, you didn't shoot one - did you"  I couldn't help myself as I said, yeah I did but only one.  Need I say that we have a very comfortable sofa and sardines and crackers aren't to bad either.

P.S.  Fired Mandy, she threatened to join the writers union and demand union wages.  I typed this, but will not tell you how long it took me, hand to eye coordination is greatly improved, shakes and tremors are less frequent but still happening,  pain still present but not as great.  Going in next week for another brain scan, wife thinks it's a waste of time as there is nothing there to find. 

Thank you all for your support it  does help. 

[Dave]

Haha!!! 
Great read, John - thanks fro taking the time to post it!

[HuntnCarve]

Good to hear from you John, and that things are improving.  Enjoyed the story too!  Looking forward to more when you feel up to it.

Dave

[FinsnFur]

lol
Now there's the John we know and love.
I for one appreciate everything it took to post that John. I think you enjoyed it too.

[HaMeR]

LOL  Great write up Mr. John!! I appreciate your taking your time for us!!

[bambam]

Great story !! 

[Okanagan]

Great story!  Wonder what Juan and Jose thought when they heard the shot.

Thanks for the effort that story cost you. 

[coyote101]

Great story Mr. JohnP. Thanks for sharing. 
Glad you're able to do your own typing again. 

Pat