My daughter is going on a first date.

[Roundman]

And I have mixed emotions. I know she is growing up and I gotta let go some, but man it's hard. Talking about it to a good friend today and he told me he would send me an e-mail that has a permission slip.    A permission slip? I didn't understand until I opened it. I thought it was funny and figured I would pass it on to anyone else that might need it.



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?                     ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________ ____________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
    ____________________________________________________________________

    ____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?                   __Yes  __No

B. A truck with over-sized tires?                                __Yes  __No

C. A water-bed?                                                       __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?                  __Yes  __No
E. A tattoo?                                                            __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                        __Yes  __No
Pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

    _________________________________________________________ _____

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

    Father? _____________

    Mother? _____________

    Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

    ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

    ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

    ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

    ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

    ______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UND ER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________      ________________________________
Mother's Signature                                              Father's Signature

_______________________________      ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                                           State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear th eir trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only in formation I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge .. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck ?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[iahntr]

I hear ya, it can be tough.

That's a good one ! My daughter was heading over to her boyfriends,
I sent her a text and asked her for her boyfriends email, so I just sent it to him.  Thanks

[Hawks Feather]

Been there, done that!

Jerry

[KySongDog]

When the young man shows up at the door, discreetly tell him:

"If you make may daughter cry, I will make you cry."   

[FinsnFur]

Yep, reminds me of the pics I posted of my sweet 16 going to her first prom.
The guy looked like a wash up though
I dont think he could find his way around a girl with an anatomy chart.

[KySongDog]

When the young man shows up at the door, discreetly tell him:

"If you make may daughter cry, I will make you cry."   

Noticed a slight typo.       "may" should be "my".


You certainly don't want any misunderstandings between you and the young lad.   

[Dave]

I am not looking forward to that day.  At least my guns will be cleaned more often!

[CCP]

Noticed a slight typo.       "may" should be "my".

No you were right Semp because Roundmans last name is "May"  So it is fitting..

Or should it have been "If you make may's daughter cry, he will make you cry."   

[nastygunz]

Now thats a good un ...posting er up on the frig door haha 

[shaddragger]

  Bill Engvall said it best. " Boy, I don't have any problems going BACK to prison!" My personal favorite is they all want to see the gun cabinet and I tell them " Son, I'm not about to show you the gun I'm going to use!"

[msmith]

I am fortunate. My daughter is 11. That means I have at least 15 more years til she starts dating...

[FinsnFur]

I am fortunate. My daughter is 11. That means I have at least 15 more years til she starts dating...

Good luck with that, Mike

[Hawks Feather]

I am fortunate. My daughter is 11. That means I have at least 15 more years til she starts dating...

Dreams are so sad when they are crushed.

Jerry

[WldWldWest]

What I found in my case was that If I was too threatening with my daughter I was afraid she would slip around and see em without me knowing about it and not bring him home to meet Dad, She let me know really quickly that she was afraid that her brother and I would scare the potential Suiter away, And now that I think about it....That was the plan! Anyway, I lightend up a bit and when she found one she wanted to date I was pleasantly suprised, he hangs around all the time and he's a really good kid.

I still like Semps saying the best though...Short and to the point!

Good Luck!

[Dave]

Don't know if you saw yesterday's qoute of the day.  I'm still laughing after reading that one - thanks Pat.

"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop