Over 70

[JohnP]

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said,  "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"
I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?"
She said "Yea", I got a pen".
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you".
Cost me 6 stitches.
 
When you are over seventy . . . who gives a  ****

[riverboss]

Ha Ha I like it.

[slagmaker]

Good one!

[FinsnFur]

She says yea I got a pen. 

[Hawks Feather]

Good one John and I hope you heal quickly.   

Jerry

[trailtwister]

Your very lucky your out west. These fat northern chicks would have put you in ICU if not the cemetery.
No sense of humor!!!!!!


  Al

[JohnP]

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

[FinsnFur]

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

3 packs!!??    Boy she BETTER be good looking

[riverboss]

I hope when I'm 70 I will have figured out they ain't worth it!
And have a good dog.

[trailtwister]

Some are dogs.
Friend told me one turned him into a coyote. Looked fine at 2:00 AM but when he woke up she looked so bad he nawed off his arm coyote style so as to not wake her.

  Al

[Hawks Feather]

A somewhat rich elderly (over 70) man had been looking for a new wife since his had passed several years before.  He finally found an unbelievable match, but she was 25.  They dated for some time with people telling him that she was just out for his money, but she never showed that.  She was kind, considerate, and helped him in any way that she could.  He finally asked her to marry him and she said yes.

On the night of their wedding she suggested that they get separate rooms in the hotel so that she would not bother him while he slept.  He thought that sounded fine, but told her to get ready and that he would be over to consummate their wedding.

She put on her best bra and thong and waited.  After about 30 minutes she thought that he must have gone to sleep, but then there was a knock at the door.  She opened the door and there stood her new husband.  He came in and they made passionate love.  She was amazed by his stamina and technique.  After they were finished he went back to his room and she settled into her bed.  About 20 minutes later there was a knock on her door.  When she opened it, there stood her husband who came in and there was a repeat performance of their love making.  Afterwards he returned to his room and she again settled into her bed.

She was just starting to go to sleep when she heard a knock at the door.  Opening the door she saw her husband standing there.  He came in and she said, “I can not believe that my husband has the stamina to go for three rounds of love making.”  He looked at her and said, “I have been here before?”



Sometimes it is good being over 70.

[FinsnFur]

consummate 

[Hawks Feather]

consummate 

I think that is what the female praying mantis does after mating - consumes her mate.  Well, or at least rips off his head.

Jerry

[FinsnFur]

I just now seen this lol! I wondered if thats what it was but I didnt wanna guess.

[JohnP]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said,  "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

[FinsnFur]

LOL Im gonna have to try that one.